


The Adventures of Quackers

by virdant



Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, Ducks, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 04:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16381364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: kinokodon: i compensate by dickwaving proverbiallykinokodon: sometimes not so much dickwaving as dickslappingme: can we not talk about dicks i am trying to write a g-rated story and it is distracting.me: inb4 ducks show upme: dicks*pann: quackkinokodon: quackme: quackkinokodon: can u write a duck story thome: uh. okay. sure.----a collection of flash-fic and vignettes about quackers, the duck. featuring puns, bad humor, and, of course, a duck.





	1. wanna see my duck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr [here](https://virdant.tumblr.com/post/165073129266/seblaine-ficlet).

“Hey there, hot stuff,” Sebastian purred, draping himself over Blaine.

Blaine shuddered pleasantly, leaning back to brush his cheek against Sebastian’s lips. “Hey yourself,” he murmured back, grinning up at his boyfriend as he twisted in his seat. “What brought this on?” He raised an eyebrow at the very public coffee shop they were in. Sebastian had no qualms about public displays of affection, but he also had a pretty solid rule against mixing caffeine with pleasure.

“Coffee is sacred,” Sebastian had said, weeks ago when they had first gotten together. “Whatever happens, we leave it at the door.”

“Don’t people usually say that about going to bed angry?”

“Caffeine,” Sebastian had drawled, before his hands had crept up Blaine’s thigh. “Caffeine, the nectar of the gods, second only to sex, and only in the evenings—”

“Seb…”

“So we agree that coffee is sacred,” he had murmured, his breath tantalizing close. Blaine leaned in, the smell of coffee, a hint of cognac, Sebastian’s breath warm against his lips—

Sebastian nuzzled against Blaine’s neck. “You smell so good.”

“Sebastian,” Blaine protested. “We’re in a coffee shop.”

“I know,” he whispered hotly into Blaine’s ear. “Wanna see my duck?”

“Sebastian!” Blaine squawked.

Sebastian bent over—Blaine flushed preemptively—and flourished a duck triumphantly.

“Quack,” it said.

“His name is Quackers and he likes crackers.”

Blaine stared into its beady black eyes. “What the duck.”


	2. or are you happy to see me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr [here](https://virdant.tumblr.com/post/167293188646/fic-glee-or-are-you-happy-to-see-me)

“So,” Blaine said. “A duck.”

Sebastian rolled a grape between his fingers before tossing it. Quackers squacked, ducked his bill to snatch the grape, and then flapped his wings in a pleased flutter.

“Yeah,” Sebastian said. “What did you think I was going to show you?”

Blaine gaped, shaking his head.

“Are you disappointed?”

“What?” Blaine waved a hand helplessly. “No. No.”

“Blaine,” Sebastian drawled, leaning forward. “Don’t tell me.”

Quackers quacked.

“Are you into exhibition?”

“No!”

Sebastian sighed. “This explains so much.”

“What?”

“I mean, show choir?”

“You’re in show choir too.”

“The tight pants—”

“It’s fashion!”

“The molestation of furniture as you climb on top of any hard wooden structure that you find…”

Blaine shook his head. Quackers, pleased, flapped his wings—once, twice—before hopping into Sebastian’s lap.

Sebastian grinned. “So,” he began.

Blaine rolled his eyes fondly.

“I seem to have a slight problem in my lap.”

“I won’t say it,” Blaine said, settling back.

“You can’t leave me hanging,” Sebastian protested, familiar gleam in his eye.

“No,” he said.

“Don’t be like that.”

“No.”

“C’mon, Killer.”

“Fine.” Blaine bit back a smile. “Is that a duck in your lap or are you just happy to see me?”

“Quack,” the duck replied.

 


	3. blaine and the three ducklings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr [here](https://virdant.tumblr.com/post/174980077546/quackers-ficlet)

Sebastian had been enjoying a nice leisurely shower—with the water pressure and temperature just right, maybe a top 20 song or two in his throat, not that he’d ever admit it—when Blaine kicked the door down screaming, “We have a problem!”

Sebastian did not yelp, because he was a dignified adult who had mastered control over his vocal cords. Not when Blaine kicked open the bathroom door, not when he tore the shower curtain open, not when he snatched the shower wand from where it had been firmly held in Sebastian’s secure grip.

“What could possibly be the problem?” Sebastian asked, in calm measured tones because he had never been, and would never be prone to dramatics, unlike his dear boyfriend Blaine, who he loved very much despite his tendency to histrionics.

“Look!” He pointed, as dramatically as Cooper, and on the now splattered white tile of the bathroom were three yellow ducklings, downy and soft and staring at Blaine adoringly.

Sebastian looked. “You got ducklings. What? Trent wasn’t enough?”

And Blaine, caught in the face of his boyfriend’s calm—

“—Okay, wait,” Blaine interrupts, peeved. “That is not how it went at all.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes at Wes, looking politely bemused over lunch. “Blaine always has to tell his version.”

“That’s because you always embellish your version!”

Sebastian waves a hand magnanimously.

Blaine rolls his eyes. “Okay, anyways…”

It wasn’t until Blaine was halfway back from the park when he realized he was being followed, one tiny cheep at a time. Sure enough, there were three tiny ducklings following him; he tried bringing them back to the park, but they followed him relentlessly.

It left Blaine with little recourse but to bring them back home. Sebastian didn’t respond to Blaine’s cursory calls, and the sound of Taylor Swift being belted in Sebastian’s enthusiastic tenor eventually summoned Blaine to the bathroom—

“Taylor—no. No, I am sure it was not Taylor Swift. I don’t sing Taylor Swift unless Blaine asks.”

“It was Taylor Swift,” Blaine says, patting Sebastian on the hand affectionately. “Anyways, I’m not done.”

Blaine knocked, twice, and when Sebastian didn’t respond, opened the door. “Sebastian? We have a problem.”

Sebastian yelped—screamed, really—shrilly. Blaine pulled the curtain aside just in time for Sebastian to drop the shower wand, sending water spraying across the bathroom. He managed to grab it just before it hit the ground, but by then the damage had been done. Water had managed to splatter across the bathroom, hitting the three ducklings as they cheeped, having followed Blaine in.

“God!” Sebastian exclaimed. “Don’t terrify me like that.”

“Look,” Blaine said, gesturing towards the tiny ducks.

“You got ducklings,” Sebastian said, blankly.

“Yeah.”

Recovering, Sebastian said, “What, Trent wasn’t enough?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Apparently you’re now a duck though,” he replied, unrepentantly.

“Glad to see that you’re feeling better,” Blaine said, drily. “Now can we solve the problem of these three ducklings?”

“—And that’s why we’re asking you if you want to adopt a duckling,” Blaine concludes. “Or three.”

“Our hands are full with Quackers,” Sebastian explains. “Or really…”

“Don’t say it,” Wes interrupts.

Sebastian subsides, smirking.

“So you’ll take them?” Blaine asks

Wes glances back and forth between the two of them, before shaking his head. “Against my judgement, yes. But only if you never ask me if I have a duck in my pocket ever again.”


End file.
